I’m sipping my coffee this morning and staring at my wall. I’ve taped up a number of Benjamin Moore paint chips and am admiring them in the daylight, trying to decide which to choose to paint these stark, white walls.
I’m ready to take the next step in feathering this nest. I plan on painting one color at a time, which will mean no one room is done before another. That’s okay with me. It’ll take a number of weeks to complete this project by myself, and that’s okay with me, too. I’m doing this with intention. I want to take my time, do my best work. Make my home even more the sanctuary it already is.
I’m known for making quick decisions, for deciding what I want with alacrity. So I’m pretty sure I know what colors I’m going to pick. But I am forcing myself to take the week to look at the colors, to imagine how they will work together in the space.
I may post before and after pics here on the blog, but I’m keeping it off the rest of social media. I want people to come visit my space and see how different it looks. I want CJB to be impressed with how different it looks painted and finished. I still have a couch, bookshelf, and tv stand to buy – those will get here before he does. After that it’s just accents and rugs, some frames to hang art on the walls, and it’ll basically be done.
So today I’ll be filling in the nail holes in my trim with wood filler and dreaming of color. I may start taping off the accent walls, which will be the darkest color and the first color I paint. Once I’ve done that and some work around the house, I’m going to treat myself to some tanning and vacation planning (I may be going back to Key West before CJB sails back to Maine).
These things I’m doing, they are small. But they bring me joy. I’m thrilled I can feel unfettered joy again. I’ve removed the asterisk over my head that placed conditions on my happiness (happy*, but still broken. Enjoying herself*, but still doesn’t know how to be alone). I’m finally living my life entirely for ME – and it’s an indescribable feeling.